Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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