i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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