If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
