I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
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