i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
