And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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