If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
