Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
