You made me cry and you don't even care
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
