I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The adults are the big ones right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
