she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
