I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
