Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
