i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize