I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
