I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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