I can't breathe out the right side of my face
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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