I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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