I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize