Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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