It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
