I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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