ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
