Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They took my balls.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
