Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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