Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
