You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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