dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
