Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
