Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
