You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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