i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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