i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Vodka?
Forever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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