I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
