just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
