Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm like, not good at living.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
