she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
