So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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