Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
