Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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