we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
This house was built for laser tag.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
