Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
