You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
