I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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