she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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