You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
