If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
