the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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