im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
