the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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