that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize