Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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