So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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