the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
