I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
