We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
