im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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