Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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