My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
