She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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