im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
