just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
