my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
