i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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