My friends, they love my intelligence
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
