I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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