I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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