david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
