someone threw a dead crab at me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
