Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have post one night stand depression
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
