From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
