There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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