Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
