She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
