:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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